Of course, it's never that easy.

I am a short filmmaker in the same way that a teenager with a band poster and a cheap electric guitar is a musician, to be honest. Given enough practice, and the right opportunities, that teenager might eventually crank out a passable version of Smells Like Teen Spirit's opening chords.

Given the chance that everything might actually work, I have a chance of putting together a half-decent short film.

Unfortunately, today, two days before filming is due to start, things have already determinedly decided not to go to plan. Which is, curiously, exactly how I thought they would.

When you plan for things not to go to plan, should you be surprised when they don't?

Don't answer that.

Anyway, this is just preamble, because, like I say, there are two days to go before anything resembling filming takes place.

It's just a shame about the balaclavas, really.

At the end of the day, you get what you pay for. When you can't afford to pay very much, what you get isn't necessarily going to be of particularly high quality. Of course, a balaclava for £1.43 is a tempting prospect when you have ninjas on the shooting schedule.

However, nowhere on the listing did anybody mention that size of the balaclava in question. So when I received them today, and discovered that they are, in fact, designed for an 8-year old motorcycle enthusiast, it was a small shock.

But aspiring to be a short filmmaker means rolling with the punches, so when the three - hopefully - people - hopefully again - turn up on Saturday, I hope to have something that will make them look vaguely ninja-like. Because, if not, things stand a chance of getting vaguely surreal.

This is before we even get into the semantics of ordering something 'In Stock' pre-9am on a Tuesday morning and then getting an email stating it will, most hopefully, be dispatched three days later.

Pleasant surprises, however, include the bokken - including a warning stating that misuse can lead to injury or even death, but then, as a giant wooden sword, it's kind of an occupational hazard - and the feather boa, which was suitably feathery and boa-y.

Pimps, mariachis and ninjas with curious headgear; welcome to my world.